Final Fantasy XIV ESRB Rating Warns Against Puttin

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7/28/2010 8:40:29 PM
Warning! The Entertainment Software Ratings Board has passed judgement on Final Fantasy XIV, warning potential players against boozing, whoring, upskirts,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], euphemisms for masturbation, and creative ways to endange[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]r a penis.

I want in the Final Fantasy XIV beta so badly now I can almost taste it. The ESRB listing for the game reads like a menu of things one might find hilarious if they'd for instance, been up all night working on a rather large infographic.

Yes, in my delirious state, I'd find lines like "The netmasFFXIV power levelingter's probably up in his office polishing the mast just thinking about her" simply hilarious,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and "Final Fantasy XIV power levelingstick yer manhood in the forge" might just be my new catchphrase.

Here's the full listing:

This is a massively multiplayer online role-playing game (MMORPG) in which players navigate a large cast of cFinal Fantasy XIV goldharacters that engage in missions and fight the forces of evil. Players explore environments (e.g., cities, plains, caves) and battle human and fantasy creatures. Players use swords, spears, axes, firearmFinalFantasy XIV accounts, and magic spells (e.g., fire balls,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], energy beams) to defeat enemies in real-time combat. Cutscenes depict a man being stabbed from behind, and creatures emitting splashes of purple or yellow blood whenFinal Fantasy XIV Gil struck. Some female characters are depicted from low camera angles, with lingering camera views of their buttocks (i.e., up-skirt shots). Dialogue contains suggestive references; for example, "The netmasFFXIV power levelingter's probably up in his office polishing the mast just thinking about her," "stick yer manhood in the forge," and "You cheating little whore!" Several characters are referred to as drunk or drunken, whilFFXIV accounte others sometimes talk about wine, rum, and grog. The word "sh*t" can be heard in the dialogue.

I'm going to go preorder two copies. Someone remind me to cancel the extra ones in the morning please.

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